Assignment #10.. The Journey

It's morning, I can see the sun shining through the window seal. I'm just laying here on the wooden floor in the middle of the upstairs den, staring up at the ceiling fan hanging from above. Every part of this cabin has windows. Large, tall, glass windows. Start from ceiling all the way down to the floor. As I walk down stairs, the floors creek. There are caught deer and buffalo hanging on the walls as f someone could be proud of that. Hunting tools take up space. The refrigerator is stocked with food. The kitchen is new. The cabin smells like cinnamon rolls and burnt fire wood, from the fire place. Reminds me my grandmother's house. The furniture has spills on it. The couch is smashed in, it's been used to much. There are bedrooms upstairs as well but I just couldn't go look in them. It was a warm place. Big brown doors with the key locks down the whole right side. The bathroom has a set up like a fancy hotel. Very pleasant. 

I finally worked up the nerve to open those big french doors, and walk outside. So I did. It's foggy. I feel like I am floating. There is a long path. A very open, wide meadow. A goldish color. All grass. Trees. Smells like rain. The open road is on the other side of this huge meadow. I must walk through in order to find my way. So I do. I walk, take a few steps and find a deer standing there staring at me, waiting for me to pull out a gun or something. I can't see my feet, therefore I cannot see where I am going. This has such a forest atmosphere to it. I feel like I am in a movie. I keep walking. I hear birds chirping. I hear running, I don't know what it is or who it is! It seems to be getting closer, closer, and closer. I run, I keep running like there is no tomorrow. I tripped over a branch, landed on a rock. That rock saved my life. The footsteps disappeared. The noises stopped. It must have been an animal, I think. It has to be. everything is wet as if it had been raining all night. It's very dark and grey out here. The only life that exists is wildlife. Of all living things. even me. 

I finally passed over to the other side. I saw open road then, now all I see is a huge mountain. It's calling my name. It has everything I need up there. Looks like an adventure, a challenge. I want to get up there. Now. Fast. So I start walking towards it. Everything looks small compared to this. I say a prayer and climb it. I go up. Higher and higher. I tell myself to not look down. I look up instead and I see faces of family members, friends. Taunting me. I know that the high altitude is just playing tricks on me. I see them and I want to be with them. They tell me they want me to go with them so I climb faster. I keep saying over and over again that this is a dream and that I wont die. It's not possible. So I climb faster, harder until I can't go anymore. Almost there, I made it! The mountain has this sort of blue color to it. The fog hides the truth of it all. 

Once I get up there I can't help but now look down. Or look up. It's all there. It smells fresh up here. If I stick my hand out I can touch the clouds. Almost reach the sky. I feel empowered up here. No one s here. I am all alone, even though on my way up here I was promised company. It's so quiet. Everything living is down there in the real world. It's just me up here. I hate the quiet because it screams the truth. This is so relaxing. I would stay up here all day if I could. I was thirsty so I pictured a big glass of water, and there it was, right in front of me. I was hungry so I pictured what I wanted and there it was. It was like a fantasy land. Everything was different. Forget what I said before, I love it here. I felt like I was in the middle of a cotton ball field. It was raining softness throughout the whole top of the mountain. Whatever I wanted, it was there, with a blink of my eye. No one else new about this place but me. All because I woke up in a cabin that I still have no idea how I got there but it may have been the most greatest thing that ever happened in a long time. 

Once you cross the invisible line once you make it up that mountain, it just fulfills you with such happiness. I don't remember anything but right now. It's all here. I hear noises and when I look to my right, all of the animals that were once down there, are now with me. It's like a community meeting up here. They have come to join me. I am not alone anymore. I can make anything happen up here. It's all mine. I feel calm, soft, such gentleness. I think about something that I want so bad! Something I can't wait to have! THEN I wake up!! Just a dream! All well!  

Assignment #9.. Psychology Of Child Abuse

It's true. It shouldn't hurt to be a child. This topic is really hard for anyone who has a heart to talk about, because it breaks my heart. I will never fully understand why or even how you can abuse a child. Personally I have never been abused in any way, shape, or form so I don't know what it feels like but I have been around it before. It's not right. No one deserves to be treated that way especially children. Reading these articles about how and why these kids get abused just don't make sense to me. It hurts me to know someone is hurting them. I love kids and I would never hurt them in anyway. I do think that kids need to be punished sometimes but NEVER in that way! 

Have you ever heard the saying "Cuts and bruises will go away but the scars last forever." Well that is true. The scars inside and out will always be there with you for a lifetime. You watch movies about abuse and you feel bad for thus kids right? You give pity to the victims, well what what happens when your the victim of abuse? Will you feel bad for yourself? I wouldn't. It doesn't matter what kind of abuse it is, if your the victim you will always blame yourself. You will always think it is your fault. It's not. It never will be. No child asks to be hit, or kicked, or punched, but it still happens. Kids that are being abused start off on a young age, they don't know any better. They are just kids being kids, and they shouldn't be punished for it. 

There is always a voice in your head that tells you over and over again that this isn't right. What is happening to you isn't right. But it wont go away until you listen to it, and sometimes that's hard to do. Just imagine yourself in a store like walmart and your in line minding your own business, and the family in front of you are having problems, the little kid in the basket is having a fit and their dad is getting frustrated because he is trying to do two things at once, so to shut the kid up he just slaps them as hard as he could to just make it all stop. It doesn't bother him at all, what he just did. No one does anything to stop him. People are scared to say anything because if he could do that to his own child, could you imagine what he could do to a stranger. That would bother me, watching it all happen in front of me like that. What is the world coming to, that it's okay to beat your kids. To beat anyone. How would you feel in that moment? 

On the news, you hear about all these kids getting killed or beat up pretty bad, and you think why hurt your kids, why take away a precious life. If you don't want them and you just keep treating them badly because of it, then go give them up or take them to a police station or something, don't just hurt them for it. The abuser of a situation always feels so powerful. Like they can do anything to anyone and no one will do anything back. That's crap!! If the person doing the beating was on the other side of it, getting the beating, then they would know how it feels. It hurts. As i said before, I have never been abused. At all. I think the most my mom has done was pinch me on the arm when I was a kid and when I was getting out of hand, but that is all. After hearing about all these stories about being abused, it made me very thankful to have good parents, a good family. 

I have friends who have been hit before but never so extreme. I have Lent them a shoulder to cry on before so I have felt the pain before. I believe that you can learn from it all. It's not just physical abuse. It's emotional, mental, psychological. Abuse is also one of the reasons why I want to be a psychologist, because I want to help those kids or not kids that are feeling a punch or a slap every so often. For me to help them would make all the difference in the world. You never know how it happens until it happens to you. I can't even imagine someone laying a hand on my nephews. So to think that some one's niece or nephew, brother or sister, mom or dad, etc, is getting hurt in anyway just really drives me nuts. 

I do believe that people can recover from abuse. However, it will never go away. The physical part of it will, maybe, but the mental part of it all will not. You will always have in the back of your head all the horrible memories of it all. This can only make a person stronger. A child will grow up with the label of being a victim. They can only grow from what happened and let it affect their lives in a positive way otherwise it will destroy them. It's never right to hurt a child. Looking into their eyes will always show the truth. Time doesn't heal all wounds. 

Assignment #7.. School Report Card

Based off of everything we have been talking about and having our little discussion in both classes the other day, I honestly, in my opinion, don't think that this school has met all of their standards. Academically yes. But emotionally no. They just don't understand that we are still kids and that once in a while it's ok to act like it. I mean I love that they treat us like adults but they take it too far and treat us like we are the worst kids ever. They need to work with us. They say that they are trying to get us ready for the real world but the real world is not like this. Sometimes we can barley breathe around here without getting yelled at for doing it the wrong way!

This is a really good school don;t get me wrong but we need some freedom. I get that not all kids are saints. None are. However, they expect the respect to be given to them well no one will give it to them just like that. You earn respect, not just us but them too. Being told what to do and how to do it 24/7 will get you know where in life except maybe the army. High school is supposed to be a fun time and yes that comes with boundaries and rules but we want to make memories and have fun at the same time. We can't do that here. Walking down the halls here is not just walking anymore, you are told how to walk, which way to walk, and where to walk at all times.

I am sure one day we will thank them for this but we are also going to get a lot taken away from us in the mean time. We are, our own person and we have psychological needs and they are not helping us with any of that. In the world you have to be responsible but at this school they don't give you a chance to be responsible. For example, the bell rings to go to passing period and in the first 60 seconds of that passing period time, we are already getting yelled at and threatened to get to class. They might as well grab us by the arm and Yank us to where we need to be. It's not right. We have 7 minutes to get to our destination and I mean we have been sitting in class for almost 2 hours we need a break to relax and talk to friends for a couple of minutes. It should be our responsibility, if were late then it's our fault and we will pay the consequence.

We are not robots. We have feelings. We should be able to show them without getting a slap on the wrist every 5 minutes. Like I said we have good staff, they will teach us a lot about ourselves but we can only do so much. I may only be a student and I may not know much about taking care of 2.000 students but at the same time I am a teenager and I know how we work, just be on our side some more and just give us a chance to become and adult, but it wont happen over night and pushing us until we can't do it anymore won't help. If were told a certain way to do something then we are just going to do the exact opposite. We have our own beliefs and everyone will agree on on this. education only takes you to a certain point but have some kind of personality will take us even farther. I guess once you give someone freedom, you just have to wait to see what they will do with it. High School wont get any easier with the way it's going now. Not for anyone. Life isn't fair, so why should High School be. Right?

Assignment #6.. Teenagers And Relationships

When you are in a relationship, it has a lot to do with how you grow up. A relationship whether it is a good one, a bad one, it shapes who you are. It makes you understand emotion a lot better. Believe it or not. I've had my share of bad relationships. They have all been bad in one way or another. I guess you can say that I haven't found my prince charming yet. However, when I do, I will be ready. I will be prepared because I have been through and emotional roller coaster of relationships. I am not saying they were horrible or something because at times they were amzing but life isn't perfect. Nobody is perfect.

Relationships aren't like how you see on tv. Perfect. Romantic. Easy. It's a lot harder than it looks. Trust me. When you first get into a relationship it could be all of that but once you get more comfortable with eachother and start to analyze everyhing about the person you are with, you become more aware of the person they really are. And then all of a sudden the fantasy part of it all goes away and reality appears. I've been hurt som many times in a relationship, more than I can count. In many ways. emotionally, physically, mentally. It's not fun. I can't explain how this all happened but it just does. I am not saying I am so innocent you know I have broken a few hearts myself.

Were teenagers. So young. We make a lot of mistakes but we learn from them aswell. Relationships shape our lives. We have all the bad relationships to thank for what we have learned about love. And life. It sucks at first but down the road we realize how much it actually helped us. Band-aids don't cover up all wounds. Trust is a huge factor in any relationship. You will get no where if you don't truest. And I think that is why many teenagers have a probelm with sharing all this and opening up with their parents because they find it very difficult to trust that they will understand. I honestly don't tell my parents anyhting either. You know they always tell me that I can talk to them about anyhing, well my mom does because my dad doesn't even let me date. However, I can barley share my feelings with the person I am with so I son't even understand how they expect me to talk to them about this shit.

I have said that I have a problem with opening up about how I feel and it is because I am so closed off and guarded. Not only because I have been hurt before but because I hate feeling the pain of it all. I know it probably sounds weird when I say that I hate to feel emotion. It's true though. I do. That has been the reason for past breakup's because I can't share my heart with anyone else. Not even family. I sound mean but I am not. I can be the nicest person ever but it's never easy. Were teenagers and we play games. We have our fun and move on. It's not right but everyone does it. People have steady relationships and they may be in love but people are different. You can't exactly tell you parents or teachers about all of this. No one would understand but friends. Older people were their once. Adults had our lives but they never fully lived them the way we do.

I am sure 20 years from now when I am married and have my career, with 3 kids I will look back on all of this and laugh at myself. I can't even imagine my kids being the kind of kids we all are now. No one will ever fully get how to be in a perfect relationship. There is no such thing. But maybe some day people will get out of their bad habbits, stop playing games, stop cheating, and just love eachother. I myslef have never been in love before and I really don't plan on it for a very, very, very long time. No more love triangles or wondering feelings because that only makes things worse. Just love. Nothing less. Nothing more. Sounds easier than it is but if you try hard enough you just might get there. No one older than the age of 25 will ever really understand the realtionships or hook ups or the friends with benifits that we have. It's only up to us to make it all a fairytale and find our happy endings.

Assignment #6.. Teenagers And Relationships