Assignment #10.. The Journey

It's morning, I can see the sun shining through the window seal. I'm just laying here on the wooden floor in the middle of the upstairs den, staring up at the ceiling fan hanging from above. Every part of this cabin has windows. Large, tall, glass windows. Start from ceiling all the way down to the floor. As I walk down stairs, the floors creek. There are caught deer and buffalo hanging on the walls as f someone could be proud of that. Hunting tools take up space. The refrigerator is stocked with food. The kitchen is new. The cabin smells like cinnamon rolls and burnt fire wood, from the fire place. Reminds me my grandmother's house. The furniture has spills on it. The couch is smashed in, it's been used to much. There are bedrooms upstairs as well but I just couldn't go look in them. It was a warm place. Big brown doors with the key locks down the whole right side. The bathroom has a set up like a fancy hotel. Very pleasant. 

I finally worked up the nerve to open those big french doors, and walk outside. So I did. It's foggy. I feel like I am floating. There is a long path. A very open, wide meadow. A goldish color. All grass. Trees. Smells like rain. The open road is on the other side of this huge meadow. I must walk through in order to find my way. So I do. I walk, take a few steps and find a deer standing there staring at me, waiting for me to pull out a gun or something. I can't see my feet, therefore I cannot see where I am going. This has such a forest atmosphere to it. I feel like I am in a movie. I keep walking. I hear birds chirping. I hear running, I don't know what it is or who it is! It seems to be getting closer, closer, and closer. I run, I keep running like there is no tomorrow. I tripped over a branch, landed on a rock. That rock saved my life. The footsteps disappeared. The noises stopped. It must have been an animal, I think. It has to be. everything is wet as if it had been raining all night. It's very dark and grey out here. The only life that exists is wildlife. Of all living things. even me. 

I finally passed over to the other side. I saw open road then, now all I see is a huge mountain. It's calling my name. It has everything I need up there. Looks like an adventure, a challenge. I want to get up there. Now. Fast. So I start walking towards it. Everything looks small compared to this. I say a prayer and climb it. I go up. Higher and higher. I tell myself to not look down. I look up instead and I see faces of family members, friends. Taunting me. I know that the high altitude is just playing tricks on me. I see them and I want to be with them. They tell me they want me to go with them so I climb faster. I keep saying over and over again that this is a dream and that I wont die. It's not possible. So I climb faster, harder until I can't go anymore. Almost there, I made it! The mountain has this sort of blue color to it. The fog hides the truth of it all. 

Once I get up there I can't help but now look down. Or look up. It's all there. It smells fresh up here. If I stick my hand out I can touch the clouds. Almost reach the sky. I feel empowered up here. No one s here. I am all alone, even though on my way up here I was promised company. It's so quiet. Everything living is down there in the real world. It's just me up here. I hate the quiet because it screams the truth. This is so relaxing. I would stay up here all day if I could. I was thirsty so I pictured a big glass of water, and there it was, right in front of me. I was hungry so I pictured what I wanted and there it was. It was like a fantasy land. Everything was different. Forget what I said before, I love it here. I felt like I was in the middle of a cotton ball field. It was raining softness throughout the whole top of the mountain. Whatever I wanted, it was there, with a blink of my eye. No one else new about this place but me. All because I woke up in a cabin that I still have no idea how I got there but it may have been the most greatest thing that ever happened in a long time. 

Once you cross the invisible line once you make it up that mountain, it just fulfills you with such happiness. I don't remember anything but right now. It's all here. I hear noises and when I look to my right, all of the animals that were once down there, are now with me. It's like a community meeting up here. They have come to join me. I am not alone anymore. I can make anything happen up here. It's all mine. I feel calm, soft, such gentleness. I think about something that I want so bad! Something I can't wait to have! THEN I wake up!! Just a dream! All well!  

Assignment #9.. Psychology Of Child Abuse

It's true. It shouldn't hurt to be a child. This topic is really hard for anyone who has a heart to talk about, because it breaks my heart. I will never fully understand why or even how you can abuse a child. Personally I have never been abused in any way, shape, or form so I don't know what it feels like but I have been around it before. It's not right. No one deserves to be treated that way especially children. Reading these articles about how and why these kids get abused just don't make sense to me. It hurts me to know someone is hurting them. I love kids and I would never hurt them in anyway. I do think that kids need to be punished sometimes but NEVER in that way! 

Have you ever heard the saying "Cuts and bruises will go away but the scars last forever." Well that is true. The scars inside and out will always be there with you for a lifetime. You watch movies about abuse and you feel bad for thus kids right? You give pity to the victims, well what what happens when your the victim of abuse? Will you feel bad for yourself? I wouldn't. It doesn't matter what kind of abuse it is, if your the victim you will always blame yourself. You will always think it is your fault. It's not. It never will be. No child asks to be hit, or kicked, or punched, but it still happens. Kids that are being abused start off on a young age, they don't know any better. They are just kids being kids, and they shouldn't be punished for it. 

There is always a voice in your head that tells you over and over again that this isn't right. What is happening to you isn't right. But it wont go away until you listen to it, and sometimes that's hard to do. Just imagine yourself in a store like walmart and your in line minding your own business, and the family in front of you are having problems, the little kid in the basket is having a fit and their dad is getting frustrated because he is trying to do two things at once, so to shut the kid up he just slaps them as hard as he could to just make it all stop. It doesn't bother him at all, what he just did. No one does anything to stop him. People are scared to say anything because if he could do that to his own child, could you imagine what he could do to a stranger. That would bother me, watching it all happen in front of me like that. What is the world coming to, that it's okay to beat your kids. To beat anyone. How would you feel in that moment? 

On the news, you hear about all these kids getting killed or beat up pretty bad, and you think why hurt your kids, why take away a precious life. If you don't want them and you just keep treating them badly because of it, then go give them up or take them to a police station or something, don't just hurt them for it. The abuser of a situation always feels so powerful. Like they can do anything to anyone and no one will do anything back. That's crap!! If the person doing the beating was on the other side of it, getting the beating, then they would know how it feels. It hurts. As i said before, I have never been abused. At all. I think the most my mom has done was pinch me on the arm when I was a kid and when I was getting out of hand, but that is all. After hearing about all these stories about being abused, it made me very thankful to have good parents, a good family. 

I have friends who have been hit before but never so extreme. I have Lent them a shoulder to cry on before so I have felt the pain before. I believe that you can learn from it all. It's not just physical abuse. It's emotional, mental, psychological. Abuse is also one of the reasons why I want to be a psychologist, because I want to help those kids or not kids that are feeling a punch or a slap every so often. For me to help them would make all the difference in the world. You never know how it happens until it happens to you. I can't even imagine someone laying a hand on my nephews. So to think that some one's niece or nephew, brother or sister, mom or dad, etc, is getting hurt in anyway just really drives me nuts. 

I do believe that people can recover from abuse. However, it will never go away. The physical part of it will, maybe, but the mental part of it all will not. You will always have in the back of your head all the horrible memories of it all. This can only make a person stronger. A child will grow up with the label of being a victim. They can only grow from what happened and let it affect their lives in a positive way otherwise it will destroy them. It's never right to hurt a child. Looking into their eyes will always show the truth. Time doesn't heal all wounds. 

Assignment #7.. School Report Card

Based off of everything we have been talking about and having our little discussion in both classes the other day, I honestly, in my opinion, don't think that this school has met all of their standards. Academically yes. But emotionally no. They just don't understand that we are still kids and that once in a while it's ok to act like it. I mean I love that they treat us like adults but they take it too far and treat us like we are the worst kids ever. They need to work with us. They say that they are trying to get us ready for the real world but the real world is not like this. Sometimes we can barley breathe around here without getting yelled at for doing it the wrong way!

This is a really good school don;t get me wrong but we need some freedom. I get that not all kids are saints. None are. However, they expect the respect to be given to them well no one will give it to them just like that. You earn respect, not just us but them too. Being told what to do and how to do it 24/7 will get you know where in life except maybe the army. High school is supposed to be a fun time and yes that comes with boundaries and rules but we want to make memories and have fun at the same time. We can't do that here. Walking down the halls here is not just walking anymore, you are told how to walk, which way to walk, and where to walk at all times.

I am sure one day we will thank them for this but we are also going to get a lot taken away from us in the mean time. We are, our own person and we have psychological needs and they are not helping us with any of that. In the world you have to be responsible but at this school they don't give you a chance to be responsible. For example, the bell rings to go to passing period and in the first 60 seconds of that passing period time, we are already getting yelled at and threatened to get to class. They might as well grab us by the arm and Yank us to where we need to be. It's not right. We have 7 minutes to get to our destination and I mean we have been sitting in class for almost 2 hours we need a break to relax and talk to friends for a couple of minutes. It should be our responsibility, if were late then it's our fault and we will pay the consequence.

We are not robots. We have feelings. We should be able to show them without getting a slap on the wrist every 5 minutes. Like I said we have good staff, they will teach us a lot about ourselves but we can only do so much. I may only be a student and I may not know much about taking care of 2.000 students but at the same time I am a teenager and I know how we work, just be on our side some more and just give us a chance to become and adult, but it wont happen over night and pushing us until we can't do it anymore won't help. If were told a certain way to do something then we are just going to do the exact opposite. We have our own beliefs and everyone will agree on on this. education only takes you to a certain point but have some kind of personality will take us even farther. I guess once you give someone freedom, you just have to wait to see what they will do with it. High School wont get any easier with the way it's going now. Not for anyone. Life isn't fair, so why should High School be. Right?

Assignment #6.. Teenagers And Relationships

When you are in a relationship, it has a lot to do with how you grow up. A relationship whether it is a good one, a bad one, it shapes who you are. It makes you understand emotion a lot better. Believe it or not. I've had my share of bad relationships. They have all been bad in one way or another. I guess you can say that I haven't found my prince charming yet. However, when I do, I will be ready. I will be prepared because I have been through and emotional roller coaster of relationships. I am not saying they were horrible or something because at times they were amzing but life isn't perfect. Nobody is perfect.

Relationships aren't like how you see on tv. Perfect. Romantic. Easy. It's a lot harder than it looks. Trust me. When you first get into a relationship it could be all of that but once you get more comfortable with eachother and start to analyze everyhing about the person you are with, you become more aware of the person they really are. And then all of a sudden the fantasy part of it all goes away and reality appears. I've been hurt som many times in a relationship, more than I can count. In many ways. emotionally, physically, mentally. It's not fun. I can't explain how this all happened but it just does. I am not saying I am so innocent you know I have broken a few hearts myself.

Were teenagers. So young. We make a lot of mistakes but we learn from them aswell. Relationships shape our lives. We have all the bad relationships to thank for what we have learned about love. And life. It sucks at first but down the road we realize how much it actually helped us. Band-aids don't cover up all wounds. Trust is a huge factor in any relationship. You will get no where if you don't truest. And I think that is why many teenagers have a probelm with sharing all this and opening up with their parents because they find it very difficult to trust that they will understand. I honestly don't tell my parents anyhting either. You know they always tell me that I can talk to them about anyhing, well my mom does because my dad doesn't even let me date. However, I can barley share my feelings with the person I am with so I son't even understand how they expect me to talk to them about this shit.

I have said that I have a problem with opening up about how I feel and it is because I am so closed off and guarded. Not only because I have been hurt before but because I hate feeling the pain of it all. I know it probably sounds weird when I say that I hate to feel emotion. It's true though. I do. That has been the reason for past breakup's because I can't share my heart with anyone else. Not even family. I sound mean but I am not. I can be the nicest person ever but it's never easy. Were teenagers and we play games. We have our fun and move on. It's not right but everyone does it. People have steady relationships and they may be in love but people are different. You can't exactly tell you parents or teachers about all of this. No one would understand but friends. Older people were their once. Adults had our lives but they never fully lived them the way we do.

I am sure 20 years from now when I am married and have my career, with 3 kids I will look back on all of this and laugh at myself. I can't even imagine my kids being the kind of kids we all are now. No one will ever fully get how to be in a perfect relationship. There is no such thing. But maybe some day people will get out of their bad habbits, stop playing games, stop cheating, and just love eachother. I myslef have never been in love before and I really don't plan on it for a very, very, very long time. No more love triangles or wondering feelings because that only makes things worse. Just love. Nothing less. Nothing more. Sounds easier than it is but if you try hard enough you just might get there. No one older than the age of 25 will ever really understand the realtionships or hook ups or the friends with benifits that we have. It's only up to us to make it all a fairytale and find our happy endings.

Assignment #6.. Teenagers And Relationships

Assignment # 5.. Teenagers And Gangs

I think this topic is very important to talk about because it is happening everywhere. Every school you go to there are gangs, gangs, and more gangs. A lot of people wouldn't understand how much people in gangs need each other. That sounds to weak to say. However, it's true. That is mainly the most definite reason why people join gangs because they have nobody else. They need a family and believe it or not gangs do give people that. I am not exactly an expert in this, you know I am not in a gang but I am around this everyday of my life just by walking into these school doors.

When your around this all the time you kind of start to be a little more aware of your surroundings. Most of my friends, mostly guy friends of course are in gangs or rep one. It's more different than you would think. These gangs are ruining peoples lives because of the after effects of it all. Half the kids at this school get suspended or expelled because of gang fights. It's really sad when you think about it because that is nothing compared to the many kids and teenagers dying out there. They make movies and songs about gangs and violence like it's no big deal. However, it is. We are influenced by what we read, hear, and watch. It's no help to be influencing people to join gangs and be apart of something so dangerous and not worth living through.

I've had family and friends killed by gang members because they were in a gang. In 7th grade two of my friends, twins, were shot at while sleeping because they were in a house that used to be owned by gang members. One died. Natalie. And now Olivia will have to live without her twin sister for the rest of her life because of a stupid drive by. That incident tore our school apart. Everyone knew them, loved them. A gang took away an amazing life. Almost two lives. That is happening everywhere. It needs to stop. But of course it wont, because people find the need to be cool and join a gang because all of their friends are doing it. That is not a good enough reason. No reason is.

Somehow people in gangs feel powerful. Having the power to kill or hurt, threat, or damage another persons life, some how gives them strength and adrenaline. It's not worth it because some where else, someone else feels the exact same way and YOU may be their victim. Knowing at any moment, you could be the way they stab that knife into, or point that gun at, is a scary thought and I honestly don't know how people do it. I am in no right to judge but it's not right to be apart of gangs. In any way, shape, or form. In a way, you i kind of feel for those kids but then I don't because they chose that life for them. They chose which path to go down and that is the one they have chose. They will never go no where in life if they don't help themselves instead of their gang buddies. That sounds harsh but it's true.

I will never deeply understand why people join gangs or why people do what they do. And I am not sure I want to understand Why. However, it's important to be aware of what is happening in all of this. The situations and problems people go through well being in a gangs will never fully reach my mind. However, It has reached my heart. And always will. It has gotten out of control and it probably never fully stop but in a way I guess we can't exactly tell people how to live their lives. Can't tell them where to go in life. " Live fighting, or dying trying." That's what I say.

Assignment #4.. Teen Suicide

Where do I start. Oh my gosh. I think that the thing that really hit me the most out of that whole article was "Suicide is the third leading cause of death for 15-to-24-year-olds, and the sixth leading cause of death for 5-to-14-year-olds." I thought of my nephews during that part because well one of them is 12 and I can't even imagine him thinking at all about this because it would just kill me to even think that he could end up as a statistic. I imagine parent feel the same way about their kids.

That is why you need to communicate with your kids. With anyone. You know me and my friends joke around about stuff like this you know because were not really serious, everyone jokes about it. Were teenagers what do you expect? We all know we won't really do it because that is just not who we are. I started thinking about how if one day some person does really mean it we are not going to believe them. We wont take them serious and that is a scary thought. This is a serious matter. No smile or laugh should come after having this conversation with anyone because it's not fun to talk about.

People commit suicide because they somehow think that things will get better. How is that even possible? When your dead, your dead. That sounds harsh but it is really true, your life will not get better or go on, what will happen is you will make everyone Else's lives sad and depressing for what you did. It is never their fault, They are not to blame. They should not think suicide is the answer to anything because it may take your pain away but it will hurt the people around them. I don't know about the rest of the world but I am not a quitter. You will have to deal with me till the end. I know there is no simple escape in life. Suicide definitely isn't an escape.

Life is not fair. Yes. However, that does not mean that you can just give up because you think it's even more not fair to you than others. You kill yourself, you are letting your problems and your issues know that they have won. It is not right. As the article said there are many symptoms of depression and it's up to you to find them in other people or within yourself. I think that one of the reasons why I would like to be a psychologist so badly is because of stuff like this. I want to be able to help people as much as I can. I mean I do that now but even if I can help one person, change one persons life, then I can start on the world. Seeing anyone in so much pain that they hurt themselves or kill themselves makes me wonder just how unhappy they were. I can't even imagine someone being so unhappy with their lives that they believe their only option is to leave it all behind.

No one deserves to feel that way. No one should have to feel that emotion running through their bodies and their minds. The end result of that will never be right. Everyone has the right to their happy ending. And an ending like that one should never be experienced. So what I think is communication is the key to all this. I'm not one to say because I have problems opening about anything. I find it very difficult to say what I'm feeling and show emotion but I would never end my life for it. Just talk to everyone, anyone, but never just no one.

Assigment #3.. The Psychology of Bullying

To be honest I really don't think I have ever been bullied. I mean us girls are brutal and I have been called a slut and whore and stuff but nothing ever more serious than that. I guess I have been the same way too because I do find my self doing the same exact thing with people I do not like. I guess that can be called a bully. But it has never been to the extent of how Jamie was bullied in the movie.

This movie really hit me hard because I have never seen somebody get bullied like that before and it really made me sad. It also made me think. What if I was there watching somebody being bullied and tormented even at a fight and I didn't care or realize it? I could have been right there and I didn't even do nothing about it. So now I have been thinking about my whole life and wondering if I was ever there watching it all happening and unfolding right in front of me and I didn't do anything. That person could have been like the kid from the movie and that makes me just as bad as the bullies who did this.

I have been called names before but not everyone is going to like you and you can't make them but you can not let it get to you. You can't let it get you down or hurt you, because it is there problem not yours. That just shows that they won if you show any kind of emotion towards it. There is always going to be one person that will ruin something no matter what it is. Life isn't perfect. You make it what it is. Sometimes it's your fault, but in bullying it's NOT!! If your the victim. There are somethings that hit certain people in different ways and bullying hit me hard because I feel bad for anything and everything that happens to someone because of bullying. I feel for them. I wish I could help everyone who has ever been in that situation but I can't. All I can do is not be the bully, don't let myself become the victim, and help even when it's not my problem.

I can't even imagine when teachers or adults don't help the kids when they see them in trouble or when they see that they need help. What kind of responsible people are they. It really drives me nuts because they are supposed to be the ones that are there for us when we need them and for some reason they seem to be in all of our business when they shouldn't be but when they actually should be, they aren't. Watching that movie and seeing those teachers, parents, principles, not doing anything. It really made me mad because he could have been hurt more than he was and they are really lucky he wasn't.

You have to be aware of your surroundings. You could be standing right there and so much could be happening right in front of you. However, if you do nothing about it, if you don't stand up and be responsible, then who will? It can be very scary to be the one to say no and to show other people the wrong and the right. You have to do it though. You just have to because if you don't then no one will. If something happens to that person, and you realize that you could have done something about it and you chose not to, you wanted to stay out of it for your own safety. Think about theirs. I wouldn't be bale to live with myself for that. And you shouldn't either.

Assigment #2.. Who Am I?

Hmmm... Lets see what to say about myself. I never really was good at talking about the kind of person I am, because to be honest I am really not sure. I care about people more than I care about myself. I put others in front of myself. That is why I want to be a psychologist because helping people makes me happy. Even if I have trouble helping myself. I don't care about anything that doesn't matter to me. That sounds harsh but it's who I am.

The personality test that I took said that I was "The performer" which means that I am a fun person. I will do anything to put a smile on someones face. The test said I have a good heart and I do hear that A lot but see the problem with me is that I have a hard time sharing what's inside it. I tend to keep things hidden. You will never know if anything is wrong with me because I hate sharing my feelings, I hate showing emotion. I am a very loud, happy person so when I am quiet and reserved, when I keep to myself then you know something is wrong with me and the people who know me well, know how true that is.

It takes a lot to get me mad. But when I am mad, all hell breaks lose. My conscious is really deep within me because it haunts every time I do wrong. I think that's why I try to be nice most of the time because it would kill me if I wasn't. i love to be around people, I love being entertained and busy like I always seem to be but I also enjoy being alone because sometimes you just need the time to yourself. The quiet does seem to scare me though. The quiet screams the truth. The truth hurts when it doesn't want to be heard. School is very important. My education matters. Everything has to be done. If it's not then I will completely freak out until I get it done. So I guess I am very organized. Everything has to be in it's place. Some more than others.

As my test said I like to have fun. I wish everyday was a party. A non-stop party. I can be serious when I need to be. However, smiles have to be around me at all times. I am like a mood ring, figuratively speaking. You know what I am feeling at all times, because of how I behave. What I do, how I do it, why I did it. I am a very respectful person but when I am angry at that person I tend to be rude. People who know me know that I am a very nice person. It is very rare for me to be mean. Unless I have a reason to be. BUT I am very stub burn. If you tell me to do something or not to do something, I will do the exact opposite. I can be a book worm but I can also be a rebellious teen.

My personality will always be the same no matter the age and that is just something I cannot change. Only if I really wanted to, but I like who I am. Most of the time. There are times when I make my own self mad but what can I say I'm me!! I won't change for anyone unless I change for myself. People either like me or they don't. You can love me or you can hate me. Sometimes both at the same time:) I am, who I am, and I am proud of it!

Assigment 1.. Personality test

Your Type is ESFP..
ESFP
Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Strength of the preferences %
1 56 19 11
You are:
slightly expressed extravert..
moderately expressed sensing personality..
slightly expressed feeling personality..
slightly expressed perceiving personality..

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves. The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

You are fun, and like to make others have fun, and this will make you have a well-liked weblog. You like learning in a hands-on way,Theory is not your strong point, As an ESFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system. "For the ESFP, the entire world is a stage.They're constantly putting on a show for others to make them happy. They enjoy stimulating other people's senses, and are extremely good at it.

They would love nothing more than for life to be a continual party. ESFP like action and excitement, and are able to link together people Because they accept and deal with people as they are, they are able to understand what is necessary in order to motivate them to get jobs done. They are very easy to love. ESFPs live in the world of people possibilties. They love people and new experiences. They are lively and fun, and enjoy being the center of attention. They live in the here-and-now, and relish excitement and drama in their lives. ESFP is definitely a spontaneous, optimistic individual. They love to have fun. If the ESFP has not developed their Thinking side by giving consideration to rational thought processing, they tend to become over-indulgent, and place more importance on immediate sensation and gratification than on their duties and obligations. They may also avoid looking at long-term consequences of their actions.

They love people, and everybody loves an ESFP. One of their greatest gifts is their general acceptance of everyone. They are upbeat and enthusiastic, and genuinely like almost everybody. An ESFP is unfailingly warm and generous with their friends, and they generally treat everyone as a friend. However, once crosesed, an ESFP is likely to make a very strong and stubborn judgment against the person who crossed them. They are capable of deep dislike in such a situation.ESFPs usually like to feel strongly bonded with other people, and have a connection with animals and small children that is not found in most other types. They're likely to have a strong appreciation for the beauties of nature as well. Is definitely a spontaneous, optimistic individual. They love to have fun.